I’m sorry. I have been busy. Some of us have jobs,you know!

 You can’t believe I wrote that title can you?…I know. Neither can I! (Just so you know, it was supposed to be titled: Lessons from un-unemployment…a sequel of sorts.)

I am so back in the rat race. Here are the lessons from my previous engagements:

i. Why I would give anything to work from home again (home has been my office for my last project)

- I had good, homemade lunches.

- I did not have to hustle with what to wear to work. I am missing my denims already.

- I was able to catch up on the TV shows I could have missed the previous evening on my rare visit to your dirty, dusty city centre.

ii. In my role as the one supposed to employ people for the company:

-oral interviews, unless one is being interviewed to be a motivational speaker, are a bunch of rubbish! And this is why: no one ever tells you they don’t know s**t! or that your company should employ them because they are broke. or that they are lazy and they hate to work and if it hadn’t been for their parents they would have been home watching Nigerian movies!

- (and this was told to me by my boss before he told me to take over) Ugandans are such lazy farts! Consider this conversation I had with one of my would-be but never-was employee. She was supposed to show up for an interview at 10:00am. She didn’t so I called her.

Me: Good afternoon. Is this Aida?

Her: Ani? Yes. It’s Aida.

Me: You called me yesterday about working with us.

Her: eh! I was in a lecture.

Me: oh. You should have told me what time was convenient for you when I told you to come for the interview. (We needed some people to work day or night and that is why I was insisting on her convenience.)

 Her: Munange I forgot. Anyway, are there many people?

Me: I’m sorry?

 Her: Are there many people that have applied for the job because me if the competition is high then I won’t come.

Me: (WITF?!) OK. Aida listen. First, never ever call me again. Ok?…secondly, never, ever waste anyone’s time the way you have wasted mine today. Ok?

-Again, oral interviews do not help much. Show me (rather than tell me) what you know, and then I will consider employing you.

iii. On finding faith yet again

-It is okay to tell God that you are scared and that even though you have seen Him work in your life you are just scared to believe again. Yes. It is not about Him. It’s about you. Tell Him that age old silly excuse. He already knows it anyway!

-Reach out to your friends. Ask a genuine ‘How are you?’ cos chances are the s**t you are overcoming is the same s**t they are going through.

-most dreams do not come true on their own. you have to fight for them!

Other random lessons:

-walking around in the nude can be very, very,  very therapeutic.  do however,  make sure that there are no kids in the house. they may need an eternity of therapy to erase what you may have exposed to them!

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and this is what i took with me to my first day at work:

“Now is the time for us to shine. The time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we’ve always dreamed of being. This is your world. You are here. You matter. And the world is waiting.”   One Tree Hill Season 5

Grrr! Sleek and Mr. B2B tagged me!

Ooops! I forgot that I am actually supposed to brag about this so when you read the title, kindly imagine that I am feigning my irritation (which may not exactly be the honest truth). 

so, honestly speaking:

1. I am extremely, immensely terrified of escalators. I cannot even describe it. I hate Capital Shoppers (the one opposite MUBS) because to go to their second floor, you have to take the damn escalators. I have been on that floor once and that was because they were not working but the whole time I was wondering if they got back on, how would I get down?!

2. I have what is threatening to turn into a colossal cyber girl crush on Scotchie (she of the Greenfinity fame). The girl just can’t stop! She writes things that wow me beyond what I can say and make me wish I could just peep into her brain and see all her thoughts…Now, like a shy smitten boy, I will ask that you keep my secret and please don’t tell her. Ok? please?…ok!

3. I have of late been asked by almost all my male friends whether I have ever kissed a girl. Yes, I have kissed a girl. Come to think of it, my first real kiss (tongue and all) was with a girl. She is my cousin (I know you are thinking incestuous lesbian love?). We were 10. We had watched people kissing on t.v and we decided to try it out. After we were like, “This is it? What the fuss?” …now i am older, wiser and more experienced and i tot’lly know what the fuss is about.

4. I love saying the word sumptuous…(says to herself: sumptuous…sumptuous!)

5. I know I have yucked you guys about my boyfriend already but honestly(which is what this is about) I have never dated anybody that makes feel comfortable, secure and loved as he does. I have never been in a relationship where I have no disquieting thought at the back of my mind. Being in love with him has made me believe that being in love with your friend is the best thing that can happen to you.

6. I think I am developing backwards. At the time when all my friends had acne, my skin was all clear. Now I wake up sometimes and I cannot even recognize myself.

7. I have sweaty palms so i don’t really like holding hands, or handshakes…and it makes me wash my hands at a frequency that is insane.

8. I love watching awards shows. Oscars, Emmys, BET, Grammies…name it! Plus yes, PAM Awards. I love to see what people feel at that “defining moment.”… a couple of times I have also practiced what I will say when I get an award. I just don’t know what the award will be for though.

9. I want one day to mess with my boyfriend. You know that pms that makes crazy chics say things like “you think I am fat” and then break down and bawl? I want to do that one day. In public. Break down and throw a tantrum at things like “ why are you winking at her?” or “ you think I am stupid” or “you don’t think that joke was funny”…just for the fun of it.

10. For the last couple of months, I have slipped in and out of depression. A depression that shook the very basic things that someone should believe about themselves. Basic, basic things like not being comfortable in one’s skin or being afraid that the sun is coming up. About two months ago, I realized that I was blaming the world for not making me happy as if the world owes me a loving. I decided to take my life back and be in charge again. I am not yet where I should be but I am happy to be alive, I look forward to a new day and I am starting to like again what I see when I am walking past the mirror (ya. Mary J Blige rocks!)

Now, because I am just pure evil, I won’t tag anybody because I think almost everybody has been tagged. No? They will eventually…Wait, i haven’t read Scotchie’s honest scrap so ya, i am tagging Scotchbiscuits of the Greenfinity fame(oh crap!now she is going to find out about my crush!). i won’t even give her rules! just take it away!

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My code of belief:

“This is the true joy of life: the being used for a purpose recognised asa mighty one: the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on a scrap heap: the being a force of  nature instead of a feverish, selfish, little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

-George Bernard Shaw.