Not Waving but Drowning
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
Stevie Smith
You guessed right. I have nothing really sensible to write. Actually i can if i want to but my mind has been under intense thinking that all i want to is to just have a moment of nothingness: no thinking, no feeling, no action…
So, how have you been?…I’ve been looking around so i know what most of you have been up to. Can’t say i have been up to much though. Between exams and fighting with my mum over having gone to Kasese when Ebola is on rampage and being the chaperone to my sister in S.6 vac, i could only do so much. Except for this life changing decision that has taken me almost a year to make.
I put myself back on the shelf
I got tired of half living. I guess everybody does. I got tired of being the wimperish clod of ailments that is begging the world to be good to me and pleading to God to tell me what to do when i knew what i had to do.
So i woke up one day and screamed against the wind, “Fuck this shit!”and quit…i guess that moment comes for everyone.Only for cowards like me, it takes much longer.
It’s liberating, what i did. and am proud that for once i chose the harder path. I won’t lie that it’s been easy but hey, there comes a point where the only prayer you can say is “Dear God, let me wake up at 40 and stare at my lap with nothing but a kitten in my company. But help me Lord not to wake up besides this man because i will not be happy!”
There are moments that are hard though. Like those times when everything that you look at is coupled up? …When you can swear that those two flies on the wall are not looking at you with pity but they are looking deeply into each others eyes and professing unending love for each other. Those…. Those are the hard days!
**************************
I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone.
It’s not warm when he’s away.
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
and he’s always gone too long
anytime he goes away.
Wonder this time where he’s gone,
wonder if he’s gone to stay
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
and this house just ain’t no home
anytime he goes away.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know
Hey, I ought to leave the bloke alone,
but ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone,
ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone,
only darkness everyday.
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone,
and this house just ain’t no home
anytime he goes away.
Anytime he goes away.
Anytime he goes away.
Anytime he goes away.
Anytime he goes away.
