Recently, a friend of mine (I swear it’s my friend) told me, rather reluctantly about something that she was going to do over the weekend. Of course her reluctance was justified because the moment she told me, I burst out and laughed.
“I knew you would laugh, you cynic!” she said as she walked out the door and that was when I realized that she was probably serious.
A couple of girls in her class and herself had decided that after their discussion that Saturday they were going to visit a ssenga. Yeah, you heard right. A ssenga. In fact they had all contributed money so that they could pay her. The person who was in the room with us was surprised that I was shocked and went on to inform me that infact ladies of that kind lurk around the premises of Box, CCE and Africa looking for curios (and moneyed) students that are willing to learn other things besides what they get in their lecture rooms. Of course I was shocked. I had never heard of that before. I asked my friend if I could come along but she vehemently refused saying: “You are already laughing at us. Besides this is top secret, I wasn’t even supposed to tell you about it.”
We settled the matter with the agreement that whatever was to take place, she would fill us in.
For a reason I don’t know, we had all forgotten about it and only remembered at about 11:00pm on a Wednesday night…and fill us in she did!
Of course it was a long list of ‘how to’s’ and ‘how not to’s’ of getting a man…and keeping him!
Just so we could get all the details right, I ask her to describe the ssenga for us.
“You can’t say that she is old. Prolly late 30’s.No gomesi. Very normal looking.” she says.
“English or vernacular?” I ask
“Both. English and Luganda, that is.”
The topics ranged from hygiene to appearance and well…, bedroom gymnastics.
“You’ve got to do all that shit to make a man happy?” asked the other friend.
“Munange!” responds our ssenga for the moment.
When I thought about it further, I realized that our mothers and their mothers and their mothers’ mothers had done all this before. The task of getting a man…and when you do (like some short-lived treasure)…how to keep him. Eons of years later, the 21st Century woman is still undertaking this task.
I know most of the girls that had gone for this ssenga session. They are young. They are beautiful. Half of them are single. They do ‘tight’ course (mbu). Most of them either have first class degrees or upper second so by book standard, they are intelligent…and yet all this seems not to be sufficient as far as attracting a man and keeping him is concerned.
If we choose to ignore the fact that people are hiring ssengas(and these women are making a lucrative business for themselves), there are all sorts of books out there telling women what they are supposed to do for their men.
As women we seem to have something on our fore heads that says: WHATEVER YOU NEED, WE AIM TO PLEASE…
I have watched so many girls do alot to change themselves for a man. I have a friend who goes through a frenzy just when she is preparing for a date. She has to look so hot that he will keep his eyes on her alone. The other one has had her wardrobe changed because he likes it when she wears skirts and not pants. This same girl endured his disses because she is not as curvaceous. Am sure you are wondering the same thing I used to wonder when she would be tortured by the thought that he had dissed he once again:” where was he looking when he asked her out. Can’t he just accept her the way she is and not tell her she looks like an a**less mzungu model?” she was doing everything. Too much I thought. But she had to keep her self desirable enough so he could stay…
Will the gentlemen out there just let me know:
1. Do you read any relationship books?
2. Do you consult any one on these matters?
3. When you sit down with the boys, do you ask for tips on how to love her? How to inspire her? How to support her so that she can realize her dreams? How to make her feel loved? How to please her? How to treat her with respect? How to keep her so the bloke next door does not take her?
4. Or do you just have to learn on the job?
By the way, this ssenga also taught them how to detooth a man without him feeling the pinch and without the girl seeming so cheap…how’s that for a modern ssenga?
In other news, there has been a baby boom in my family since December last year. To add on the three babies that are already here, my cousin gave birth to a lovely baby girl, Jasmine, on Friday. Our joy is boundless!! She is a miracle child of sorts. We are thinking that she will be strong headed and get whatever she wants. Her mother (my cousin) got her labour pains at around 5:00am. Her husband went to the nearby stage to get a car. About 15 minutes later, he comes back. Do you think he found her crying out of pain and cursing him for what he did to her? Hell no! She was smiling down on her baby girl!…Now once again am an important member of the society. An aunt. Maybe I should go for these ssenga things. What will I tell these kids when they are of age?….
