The shit dreams are made of!…(a rant)

I know that lately I have been the biggest advocate for dreams and having them nurtured and eventually realized. But when you become a fan of a reality show such as (or especially) American Idols, you begin to wonder whether your dream is as ridiculous as the people you watch. Ya. You know those people in the first rounds who wouldn’t sing to save their own lives.

Presenting other situations that have made me question what we dream of.

 1. I ran into a friend of mine recently. Considerably nice girl. There was a time in her life that she dated a man that really excited her. The problem was, he got a bit of celebrity status in Uganda and the girl started to believe that the man was exciting every other girl. True, when men in Ug attain celeb status (however insignificant) they tend to stray. However, my friend here was extremely insecure and even though the guy was a good person, she tended to believe that all girls had crushes on him and wanted him so the relationship was dissolved. Since then, she swore off men even though she was heard uttering unremitting prayers for the perfect man. When I ran into her, she told me she had good news.

Me: ‘Ya? Tell me. Tell me!”

 Her: “I got a ma-A-n.” (sing song)

Me: Ya? That’s so nice. Tell me about him

Her: “…and he has a ride! He even picks me and drops me for my lectures when it rains mob!”

 …and that is where I stopped listening to her. I started asking myself whether all the times she prayed and made a list of the man she wanted (oh yeah. We do make lists. Even yours truly) she asked for man with a ride or a man who would be very thoughtful that if he had a car he would drop her for her lectures in a heavy downpour.

Seriously!

To this day, I have no clue what his name is. I just know he has a ride.

2. You know those guys that you meet and then when you look back you are thankful that you never were even if you two were threatening to be? So I ran into one of those recently. He is a nice guy. We just couldn’t be. For starters, I could hardly get a word out of him. And so he did things that I was supposed to read into and fall for him but I am all for, “if you like it, say it.” So I will shut up and look at you run around me in circles and if you don’t say it, I will act like I don’t notice. He eventually said it but then I was on the way out. We stayed in touch a bit and when I ran into him, we decided to sit down and chat a bit. So he tells me what he has been up to, asks after my boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. Then he whips out his phone, scrolls through messages and shows me messages that I had sent him like a year and a half a go!!! Nothing really worth saving if you ask me. Things like “thanks for dinner tonight. Goodnight.” Can you believe that? I felt like he was stalking my mind!!!

Then he goes, “we could have been!”

 Oh hell no!!! In your dreams!!!

3. How do you tell a 37 year old father of two that contrary to what he has made himself believe, you are infact not the woman of his dreams?

Note: you have already played:

a).The ‘I have a hot, fresh to death boyfriend’ card. He is so hot that every time I see him I want to throw myself at him and scream, “Shag me. Shag me.”(Please, for the love of a good tale, do not let the dramatic effect be lost on you!) Yes, when you are playing the boyfriend card, you totally have to milk it. But as men his age are wont to he says “what can a young man do for you? He is just confusing you. Me I have…. (Then he starts listing his property.

b) The ‘I have to go back to school’ card. The thing with men like him is their time is sorta running out. So he wants to vibe you one day, shag you the next (make you pregnant while at it), then you become the step mom of his kids on the third day. Going back to school is like the perfect way to tell him off. Then he says, education is overrated. “Me I have never even used my Master’s degree. Besides you will totally be taken care of.”

c) The religion card. He is a Moslem and well, your dad’s a church elder. You love the stuff he calls “stagafulayi” or whatever. Then he says, he could get used to going to church.

d) Do you then start to avoid his calls? What if he resorts to texting  nauseating messages such as, “ My children would love you!”

 Nya ha ha ha ha! In your dreams!!!

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I’ve dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they’ve gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.” Emily Bronte