Kale mulabe embuzzi zino!(Spanish star wants vuvuzelas banned, Spanish fans want Africans banned )

Just a day after Spanish football star Xabi Alonso called on FIFA to ban vuvuzela horns, Spanish fans have called on the football body to ban Africans.

“They are just so black,” said fan Enrique de Torquemada. “And there are so many of them here in Africa. It is very upsetting.”

Meanwhile South Africans have asked the Spanish to stop lisping. Alonso was widely quoted this week referring to vuvuzelas as an “annoyance” that should be banned. However, FIFA godfather Sepp Blatter has defended the horns. “South African football is all about noise, excitement, shouting and enjoyment,” he said. “And sometimes goals. But mostly just noise.” Alonso’s South African hosts say they are taking the star’s complaints seriously, despite “Xabi” meaning “doos” in the ancient San language. “Obviously as a footballer Mr Alonso is a very unique person,” said Confederations Cup local organizer Sonnyboy Laduma. “I mean, it’s not everyone who has a Grade 9 education, is unemployable after 35, and who spends hours every day training to kick an inflated sack in to a net, who then tries to dictate the culture of another continent.” However, Laduma confirmed that Alonso was not alone in feeling that Africa needed to change to suit Spanish tastes. He said that thousands of Spanish supporters had signed a petition asking FIFA to ban not only vuvuzelas but Africans as well. “Apparently when they bought their airline tickets nobody told them that Africa is full of Africans,” explained Laduma.

 According to fan Ignacio Tortilla, the Confederations Cup has been an “ordeal”.

“Wherever you look it’s just Africans,” he said. “Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not a racist, but do they really have to be so aggressive with all the singing and smiling and hand-shaking?” Florida de Porpoise, a retired Jew-bater from Barcelona, said he would have no problem with Africans “if they only tried to be more European”. “We’re not asking for a lot,” said de Porpoise. “Just perhaps a little hair relaxant, some cigarettes, and an overwhelming sense of the futility of hope.”

Meanwhile, a delegation of South Africans has asked visiting Spaniards to stop lisping. “For God’s sake, English is our sixth language and we can still say ’s’,” said Jumpstart Moloi, who led the delegation to the Spanish embassy this morning. “It’s not Nelthon Mandela, okay? It’s Nelson. Nelssssson.” He also appealed to Spaniards to “think long and hard” before asking locals for directions to Thanton Thquare and the thocker thtadium at Thocker Thity. “Spanish is just such a freaking ugly language,” said Moloi. “It’s all just ‘eth eth eth eth’. FIFA should do something.”

[H!: Now this last bit is just too funny!]

One for my First Love!

In my phone book, there is a number saved as ‘First Love’. It is my dad’s. I cannot think about my dad without thinking about Indie.Arie’s Wonderful, the song she sang for Stevie Wonder (who I am totally in love with but this is about my daddy) especially the part that says:

 You inspire me the way you make me feel inside is amazing

Your honesty your artistry is engaging

You are everything I hope to be

 You have touched my soul I want you to know you are my hero

You got so much soul to put it plain and simple you are wonderful

The thing that I look up to my dad for the most is his strength. If there is anyone the world has not been fair to, it has to be him. I have seen my father’s dreams vanish. I have seen him at points where I could have sworn it was the end of the world. I have seen him in moments where I could have panicked and asked “what now?” but most importantly I have seen him dust himself up and move on.  And if there is anything I could ever thank him for giving all of us, it is this. I have been comforted to see this same strength in my siblings. I am not saying that we are all hardcore and never feel the pains of life but I have seen my siblings go through some hard times of their own with as much cheer and strength as they can master. I have been consoled o see them blink their tears back to provide strength for a weaker person and I have seen them walk away from a loss, hurt yes, but with more determination.

A couple of years back, my father found the Lord in a new way. Yes he used to take us to church when we were younger and so we knew the importance of the salvation but his new conviction and relationship with God is humbling. It is one thing to see one of your friends get born again. It is another thing to see someone who has gone before you and seen it all surrendering to God in prayer and seeing him let go of his children and dedicating them to the Lord. This is the reason my father is always the first to know when I am about to do exams or a job interview or make an important decision. He is the one I will call on seemingly trivial issues such as, “what would you do if I dated a Muslim man?” 

One thing I also know for sure is that my dad would never ever give up on me however much I messed up. My mother would despair: my dad would be disappointed but he would not cease to remind me of who I am supposed to be. I have seen him do this with my siblings and I have seen it in the way he has reached out to me when I have questioned my relevance on earth-through simple ways like calling me to remind me what the meaning of my name is. My sister has come to know that when I say, “I badly need to talk to daddy”, it means that I am at the brink of a life changing moment or I am just not feeling like myself. Because my dad not only helps find myself, he helps me find God over and over again

And yes, I am one of those girls who want to marry a man like my dad. A man my children will look up to and know that everything is going to be ok. A man who will tell my kids to believe in themselves and know that they can be whatever they want to be. A man that will remind them that even the sky is not the limit. A man whose eyes they will look into and be comforted by the strength of the people that have gone before them!

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Because i had to stick to a certain word count, i could not add that my dad is the reason why  i love reading. He taught me that words(and therefore books) are  very powerful.The people I admire the most in this world are people who read and buy books and nothing really gives me so much joy as buying a book or reading a good book!

Give and let live

These are the causes that are very close to my heart: the fight against domestic violence, the fight against breast cancer (because in my second year I got a scare. Thankfully when I was checked, they found that even though I had quite abnormal lumps, they were not cancerous) and blood donation.

June 14th is the International Blood Donor Day. Very exciting for me this year is the fact that that the company I work for now calls in people from the blood bank so that we can donate. Infact I have just donated my blood.

I donate blood because importantly, I am blood group O. That means I can give the entire world blood.
Also, very many people need blood.
In March this year, a distant relation of mine was brought from the village because he was very sick. When they got to Mulago, the doctors announced that he needed blood but the hospital did not have blood. Which is as absurd as Mulago usually gets. My relatives then called me but I was recovering from Malaria and it had just rained red at mine a few days earlier making me a very poor candidate for donation. I have never felt so bad in my life.

About three weeks ago, my cousin gave birth to a handsome baby boy who I have since called my new boyfriend (sorry, Ebony). Even though the delivery was normal she almost bled to death but the doctors were able to notice early enough and take her to theatre. She had a blood transfusion and is up to now feeding on all sorts of green vegetables to be healthy again. And she is not alone. There are hundreds of women who lose blood in the labour wards.

Strange that someone can go to hospital and not find blood? In May, New Vision reported that the blood bank was facing shortage. Bukenya (the blood donor mobiliser based at the Nakasero Blood Bank in Kampala) said the bank needed 200,000 units of blood to supply all the health centres across the country. “If people and organisations don’t respond by donating blood, the officials said, even Mulago, the largest hospital, would be affected.”

This is what yesterday’s Daily Monitor reported:
Dr Nathan Kenya Mugisha, the director of health services – Clinical and Community, said …
“We need about 200,000 units of blood per year. Currently, we are getting 180,000 units,” Dr Mugisha said. “We can’t manufacture blood. We urge people to donate blood and save lives.”

Dr Mugisha added that Uganda has an annual shortage of 20,000 units of blood. “The need for blood increases with the increasing population and the burden of diseases especially malaria and anaemia. If we can control those diseases, the need for blood would reduce,” he said.

From the internet:

Facts about the blood donation process
1. Donating blood is a safe process. A sterile needle is used only once for each donor and then discarded
2. Blood donation is a simple four-step process: registration and medical history, mini-physical, donation, and refreshments
3. Every blood donor is given a mini-physical, checking the donor’s temperature, blood pressure, pulse and hematocrit level (red blood cells count) to ensure it is safe for him or her to give blood
4. The actual blood donation typically takes less than 10-12 minutes. T
5. The average adult has about 10 to 12 pints of blood in his body. Roughly 1 pint is given during a donation
6. All donated blood is tested for HIV, Hepatitis B and C, syphilis and other infectious diseases, before it can be released to hospitals
7. Information you give during the donation process is strictly confidential. It may not be released without your permission except as directed by law

Facts about blood and its components
8. Whole blood can be processed into red cells, platelets, plasma, and cryoprecipitate. The total number of units of all of these components transfused in a year is 29 million (2001)
9. It is possible to donate specifically only platelets or plasma. This process is called apheresis 10. Most donated red blood cells must be used within 42 days of collection
11. Donated platelets must be used within 5 days of collection — new donations are constantly needed
12. Healthy bone marrow makes a constant supply of red cells, plasma and platelets. The body will replenish the elements given during a blood donation – some in a matter of hours, and others in a matter of weeks

Facts about donors
13. The #1 reason donors say they give blood is because they “want to help others”
14. Two most common reasons cited by people who don’t give blood are: “Never thought about it” and “I don’t like needles”
15. One donation can help save the lives of up to 3 people
16. If you began donating blood at age 17 and donated every 56 days until you reached 76, you would have donated 48 gallons of blood, potentially helping save over 1,000 lives!
17. Red Cross donors are 50% male, 50% female
18. People with O- type blood are universal donors. Their blood can be given to people of all blood types.
19. Type O- blood is often used in emergencies before the patient’s blood type is known, and with newborns who need blood.
20. People with AB+ type blood are universal donors of plasma, the liquid portion of blood. AB+ plasma is often used in emergencies, for newborns and for patients requiring massive transfusions

I’m sorry. I have been busy. Some of us have jobs,you know!

 You can’t believe I wrote that title can you?…I know. Neither can I! (Just so you know, it was supposed to be titled: Lessons from un-unemployment…a sequel of sorts.)

I am so back in the rat race. Here are the lessons from my previous engagements:

i. Why I would give anything to work from home again (home has been my office for my last project)

- I had good, homemade lunches.

- I did not have to hustle with what to wear to work. I am missing my denims already.

- I was able to catch up on the TV shows I could have missed the previous evening on my rare visit to your dirty, dusty city centre.

ii. In my role as the one supposed to employ people for the company:

-oral interviews, unless one is being interviewed to be a motivational speaker, are a bunch of rubbish! And this is why: no one ever tells you they don’t know s**t! or that your company should employ them because they are broke. or that they are lazy and they hate to work and if it hadn’t been for their parents they would have been home watching Nigerian movies!

- (and this was told to me by my boss before he told me to take over) Ugandans are such lazy farts! Consider this conversation I had with one of my would-be but never-was employee. She was supposed to show up for an interview at 10:00am. She didn’t so I called her.

Me: Good afternoon. Is this Aida?

Her: Ani? Yes. It’s Aida.

Me: You called me yesterday about working with us.

Her: eh! I was in a lecture.

Me: oh. You should have told me what time was convenient for you when I told you to come for the interview. (We needed some people to work day or night and that is why I was insisting on her convenience.)

 Her: Munange I forgot. Anyway, are there many people?

Me: I’m sorry?

 Her: Are there many people that have applied for the job because me if the competition is high then I won’t come.

Me: (WITF?!) OK. Aida listen. First, never ever call me again. Ok?…secondly, never, ever waste anyone’s time the way you have wasted mine today. Ok?

-Again, oral interviews do not help much. Show me (rather than tell me) what you know, and then I will consider employing you.

iii. On finding faith yet again

-It is okay to tell God that you are scared and that even though you have seen Him work in your life you are just scared to believe again. Yes. It is not about Him. It’s about you. Tell Him that age old silly excuse. He already knows it anyway!

-Reach out to your friends. Ask a genuine ‘How are you?’ cos chances are the s**t you are overcoming is the same s**t they are going through.

-most dreams do not come true on their own. you have to fight for them!

Other random lessons:

-walking around in the nude can be very, very,  very therapeutic.  do however,  make sure that there are no kids in the house. they may need an eternity of therapy to erase what you may have exposed to them!

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and this is what i took with me to my first day at work:

“Now is the time for us to shine. The time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we’ve always dreamed of being. This is your world. You are here. You matter. And the world is waiting.”   One Tree Hill Season 5

Sex Education

I was reading through a certain book that is supposed to educate teachers on how to teach pupils about HIV/AIDS (i just read things). In it there are tiny sections where they feature the kind of questions that pupils (p4-p7) ask on sex. Here are some of them. (The way they were written by the pupils):

1. If you are still a virgin until the age of 18, is it true that you will never have a child? (Question from P.7 girl)

2. Is it true that if a boy doesn’t play sex early his sperms won’t mature?(question from 12 year old P.6 boy)

3. Can a girl of 10 become pregnant? And if a girl is 12 or 13 and she has sex with a boy older than her, can she get pregnant?(13 year old P.6 girl)

4. Some boy told me that if a girl does not have sex, her vagina will close. Is it true?(13 year old P.6 girl)

5. There is a boy who forces me to have sex in the banana plantation . I always tend to refuse. I have not told my parents because I fear they will beat me.(girl in upper primary)

6. What happens when one uses a condom for more than one round?(P.7 Boy)

7. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I find myself wet dreams but my friends tells me to play sex, is it true?

8. There is a widow in my village who come at my house. She says open the door that she wants me to sex her. What shall I do to escape her?(11 year old boy in upper primary)

9. I have my brother who asked me for sex when I told him that I am still young for sex, he told me that he will find me on the way and kill me. (16 year old BOY in p.7) Editor’s notes: this is so so screwed up!!

10. When I sit with a girl my penis elects and others say I should have sex to stop the election. Will this help? (p.6.11years. boy)

And this one really puzzled me because I was reading it for the first time: myths about sex: when you wash your vagina with Coca Coal after having sex, you do not get pregnant! (Where do kids get such things from?)

There are so many! When I read these questions, I realized that I had never had sex education from any of my parents. I just picked stuff from school, t.v and from all over. I can even bet my mum thinks I do not know I am a girl yet. Which makes me dread the day I will get married because it will hit her real bad. Poor mother!

To you reader: when was the first time heard/learnt about sex? What myths did you hear about it? Where were you told babies came from? (My mum told me that they picked me from a market. To date, when she is upset with me, she jokingly asks me when my real parents will come for me. Imagine!)…and to borrow a question from African Woman, “How easily do you talk about sex?”

I have an inquisitive 4 year old nephew. When you say a word he has never heard of he always asks. The other day I said “mukwano” then he said: “what is mukwano?” I dread the day when he will hear a condom advert on radio and will come and ask me or his mother what a condom is. How do you explain that to say, a 7 year old?

Blogger parents, have you prepared yourself for such moments?

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“I believe the children are our are future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.”

Whitney Houston. Greatest Love of all lyrics

This is why you love me, right? Right?…it’s ok. You can say it a.k.a the April ‘09 BHH update

So I get to Mateo’s  and even though I am quite late, there are rather a few people: Mr. B2B, Rogue King, Walk on by, Antipop and yes, the 27^th Comrade himself. This is not good but what is worse is that the BHH charperson a.k.a the one who we could argue has kept BHH going a.k.a the one you are always sure to find at BHH even as a newbie you may fear that you will find no one a.k.a Darlkom aka Dee a.k.a Darlyne is not here. Is this truly BHH, some one who knows about BHH and Darlyne may wonder? Later on, we find out, that the poor darling forgot about BHH and instead went to the movies(reader, do feign betrayal). And on realizing that it was indeed the BHH day, she screamed, “oh God no!” on top of her voice, stood up in a panic, threw the popcorn at her date, and ran out to join us at Mateos…or something like that. Her date as it turns out was our very own Bazanye so she didn’t have to be as dramatic as I wish she had been. So after the movie, they came over to Mateo’s. Also in attendance were Carsozy and the Dare devil herself.

 

International pressing  issues that were discussed:

1. Our sympathy to Rogue King on the loss of his laptop.
2.  Is Sleek (of Sleek and wild) a chic or a guy?
3. Is Detamble pregnant? How come she no longer comes out? (that was in form of a direct question for 27^th who remained speechless for eternity. Rogue King later told him that the best way to answer such questions is by saying, “I can neither deny nor confirm that.”
4. So we know B2b has a Mrs. Is there a Rogue Queen or a ka easy weak chic? And uncle pop (upon which everyone chuckled knowingly and I begged in vain to be let in on the secret.) 27^th pushed it further by asking me whether there was a hell. We never got into what Walkon by’s significant other would be or Dare devil’s for that matter. Feel free to offer.
5. We had an agony aunt/uncle session where one of us needed advice on what to do with this guy who is doing all things right even though she fears he might have a kid and yet he hasn’t come out to tell her about it. I won’t tell you who she was. Look out for the story on her blog. That’s what you get for missing BHH.
6. Something about GUG which I do not quite remember. Oba what was it?
7. B2B: the only chic you can call ‘dawg’ on blogger is Antipop. Discuss. (I argued that Cheri could as well cos she has that ghetto fabulousness about her…and she is a self confessed as if mafia. No?)
8. Kasozi, why do you go stress our tongues with CaRsozy?
9. Carsozy’s move to the hamptons a.k.a wordpress.

 

Obvious world threatening issues that did not quite pique our interest but were mentioned non the less

1. The swine flu.

 I left shortly after that.

Grrr! Sleek and Mr. B2B tagged me!

Ooops! I forgot that I am actually supposed to brag about this so when you read the title, kindly imagine that I am feigning my irritation (which may not exactly be the honest truth). 

so, honestly speaking:

1. I am extremely, immensely terrified of escalators. I cannot even describe it. I hate Capital Shoppers (the one opposite MUBS) because to go to their second floor, you have to take the damn escalators. I have been on that floor once and that was because they were not working but the whole time I was wondering if they got back on, how would I get down?!

2. I have what is threatening to turn into a colossal cyber girl crush on Scotchie (she of the Greenfinity fame). The girl just can’t stop! She writes things that wow me beyond what I can say and make me wish I could just peep into her brain and see all her thoughts…Now, like a shy smitten boy, I will ask that you keep my secret and please don’t tell her. Ok? please?…ok!

3. I have of late been asked by almost all my male friends whether I have ever kissed a girl. Yes, I have kissed a girl. Come to think of it, my first real kiss (tongue and all) was with a girl. She is my cousin (I know you are thinking incestuous lesbian love?). We were 10. We had watched people kissing on t.v and we decided to try it out. After we were like, “This is it? What the fuss?” …now i am older, wiser and more experienced and i tot’lly know what the fuss is about.

4. I love saying the word sumptuous…(says to herself: sumptuous…sumptuous!)

5. I know I have yucked you guys about my boyfriend already but honestly(which is what this is about) I have never dated anybody that makes feel comfortable, secure and loved as he does. I have never been in a relationship where I have no disquieting thought at the back of my mind. Being in love with him has made me believe that being in love with your friend is the best thing that can happen to you.

6. I think I am developing backwards. At the time when all my friends had acne, my skin was all clear. Now I wake up sometimes and I cannot even recognize myself.

7. I have sweaty palms so i don’t really like holding hands, or handshakes…and it makes me wash my hands at a frequency that is insane.

8. I love watching awards shows. Oscars, Emmys, BET, Grammies…name it! Plus yes, PAM Awards. I love to see what people feel at that “defining moment.”… a couple of times I have also practiced what I will say when I get an award. I just don’t know what the award will be for though.

9. I want one day to mess with my boyfriend. You know that pms that makes crazy chics say things like “you think I am fat” and then break down and bawl? I want to do that one day. In public. Break down and throw a tantrum at things like “ why are you winking at her?” or “ you think I am stupid” or “you don’t think that joke was funny”…just for the fun of it.

10. For the last couple of months, I have slipped in and out of depression. A depression that shook the very basic things that someone should believe about themselves. Basic, basic things like not being comfortable in one’s skin or being afraid that the sun is coming up. About two months ago, I realized that I was blaming the world for not making me happy as if the world owes me a loving. I decided to take my life back and be in charge again. I am not yet where I should be but I am happy to be alive, I look forward to a new day and I am starting to like again what I see when I am walking past the mirror (ya. Mary J Blige rocks!)

Now, because I am just pure evil, I won’t tag anybody because I think almost everybody has been tagged. No? They will eventually…Wait, i haven’t read Scotchie’s honest scrap so ya, i am tagging Scotchbiscuits of the Greenfinity fame(oh crap!now she is going to find out about my crush!). i won’t even give her rules! just take it away!

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My code of belief:

“This is the true joy of life: the being used for a purpose recognised asa mighty one: the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on a scrap heap: the being a force of  nature instead of a feverish, selfish, little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

-George Bernard Shaw.

I meant to post something else…then i saw another!

What do you tell your boss when he/she asks you to do something that goes against everything that you believe in. i am not talking about sexual harrassment because that is easy(you tell him tomanyira…and bambi i won’t quit just because you are stray. oswadde!) but you know, things like he wants you to do the dirty work for him/her. say bribe someone so you can get work done. you know that you can get that work done even without having to bribe someone although it might take you longer and the boss needs it  done now so the boss insists that the solution is bribery.

 

or, say if you and your boss sell tomatoes. yes. tomatoes. and then a particular customer asks for say 20 tomatoes and you have only 12. so the boss says, ” we don’t have those other tomatoes but we have some bad tomatoes-although they are not rotting yet, that we can mix in and they will never know.”…ofcourse they will know. they are going to use the damn tomatoes!…and really, do you know how infuriating that is when it is done to you?…so what do you tell your boss….no, i won’t?

 

…and then, when i was writing this post, i glanced over at today’s New Vision…and this is the screwed up country in which we live! read this story: http://newvision.co.ug/D/8/26/678908

 

or if link is giving you a hard time, let me just copy and paste for you.

 

Molested boy expelled from school, culprit out on bail

By Gladys Kalibbala

Nnalongo (real name withheld), a resident in Lunnyo village, Entebbe Municipality is in a dilemma after her son was sodomised and later expelled from school.

The widow, a mother of seven children, says she is devastated after the ‘double torture’ to her son.

“Before my boy has recovered from the trauma of being sodomised, we find he has nowhere to study from,” she wails.

She narrates that she fainted immediately after making an alarm which attracted a big crowd.

She could not stand the shock of watching a trusted family friend sucking the private parts of her 12-year-old son.

Her children called him ‘uncle’ because of his close relationship to Nnalongo. The incident happened next door to Nnalongo’s home in Herman Kalule’s hair salon. Kalule is the area LC1 youth secretary.

“What Kalule did was terrible,” she says. She adds that according to Deutronomy Chapter 28, a man who engages in a sexual relationship with a fellow man is cursed in the eyes of the Lord.

“I have to pray and fast intensively and beg the Almighty Lord to lift that curse off my dear son,” she says while sobbing.

On the fateful day, Nnalongo was picked from Nakiwogo landing site where she works, as one of her daughters studying in Kampala was seriously sick.

However, her plans changed when she got home and found one of her sons missing.

On inquiry, she was told he was seen with Kalule at the salon. She rushed there to let him know about the sick girl. When she got there, the door was closed and there was music playing. She panicked and kicked the door open.

“Oh! I don’t want to remember how Kalule was sucking the tip of my son’s penis,” she says.

Nnalongo reported the matter to the Police, but when Kalule was taken to court, he was bailed out. Over the Easter weekend, he invaded her home, but she was not home, so he insulted her children.

A lady passing by says she heard Kalule calling the children’s mother a poor woman. The witness says Kalule said it would be impossible for him to stay in jail because he has enough money to bail him out.

To add insult to injury, Nnalongo received a letter from the school, advising her to take her son elsewhere as the administration feared that their reputation might be tarnished because of the boy.

“This boy may have already gone deep into the homosexual behaviour and end up spoiling other children in the school,” commented a teacher.

Nnalongo says since she has meagre resources, her son has been sponsored by friends who will not be happy and may stop giving them money if she does not produce a school report for this term.

Meanwhile, Kajumba Mayanja, a psychologist from Makerere University, advises that the boy is young and still traumatised from the incident and needs total support from his school and family.

“This is a situation where the school should work hand-in-hand with the parents to see that legal action is taken against whoever molested the boy instead of punishing him for a crime he cannot understand,” he explains.

Kajumba cautions the public to stop regarding such minors as culprits in cases of defilement or sodomy because they are too young to make a concession regarding their behaviour.

He advises parents to show love and not punish the boy because he needs a lot of comfort at the moment as he may have either been influenced by the man who is much older than him or even forced into this. Kalule is suspected to be in his 30s.

“The young boy needs urgent care of a psychologist or counsellor to help him overcome the situation.There is also a need to see that he is helped to overcome the homosexual influence,” he said.

Repeat offender
Nnalongo, a born-again Christian, confesses that like many other people in Lunnyo, she has heard rumours about Kalule’s homosexuality.

Little did she know that he even involves children as young as her son.

Nnalongo took her son for a medical check-up at Entebbe Hospital and the results showed that the boy had ever been penetrated, which brings her to the conclusion that this was not the first time.

She recalls that sometime last year, her daughter used to complain that her brother’s underwear was always soiled.

She had also seen the soiled underwear and ordered the boy to wash them.

In the same area, a 17-year-old boy confessed that Kalule, who was a friend of his family, started sexually abusing him from the age of six to 13.

He broke off the relationship after his 10-year-old friend who was also pursued by Kalule, shared his dilemma with him.

The other boy says he refused to accept Kalule’s advances, although he still fears to tell his parents.

A survey among the residents in the area revealed that many women who had found out what their sons had gone through just kept quiet, saying they never wanted their children to be embarrassed.

One lady narrates how a few years ago, Kalule was caught with a boy when he was working in Nzabanita’s Salon around the former Entebbe bus park.

It is alleged that Kalule went into hiding when the father of the boy, an army man, started looking for him.

After the fury ebbed, Kalule returned and has been working in his salon at Lunnyo for about four years.

The residents say the salon is usually occupied by young boys, including those whom Kalule pays school fees for.

The shit dreams are made of!…(a rant)

I know that lately I have been the biggest advocate for dreams and having them nurtured and eventually realized. But when you become a fan of a reality show such as (or especially) American Idols, you begin to wonder whether your dream is as ridiculous as the people you watch. Ya. You know those people in the first rounds who wouldn’t sing to save their own lives.

Presenting other situations that have made me question what we dream of.

 1. I ran into a friend of mine recently. Considerably nice girl. There was a time in her life that she dated a man that really excited her. The problem was, he got a bit of celebrity status in Uganda and the girl started to believe that the man was exciting every other girl. True, when men in Ug attain celeb status (however insignificant) they tend to stray. However, my friend here was extremely insecure and even though the guy was a good person, she tended to believe that all girls had crushes on him and wanted him so the relationship was dissolved. Since then, she swore off men even though she was heard uttering unremitting prayers for the perfect man. When I ran into her, she told me she had good news.

Me: ‘Ya? Tell me. Tell me!”

 Her: “I got a ma-A-n.” (sing song)

Me: Ya? That’s so nice. Tell me about him

Her: “…and he has a ride! He even picks me and drops me for my lectures when it rains mob!”

 …and that is where I stopped listening to her. I started asking myself whether all the times she prayed and made a list of the man she wanted (oh yeah. We do make lists. Even yours truly) she asked for man with a ride or a man who would be very thoughtful that if he had a car he would drop her for her lectures in a heavy downpour.

Seriously!

To this day, I have no clue what his name is. I just know he has a ride.

2. You know those guys that you meet and then when you look back you are thankful that you never were even if you two were threatening to be? So I ran into one of those recently. He is a nice guy. We just couldn’t be. For starters, I could hardly get a word out of him. And so he did things that I was supposed to read into and fall for him but I am all for, “if you like it, say it.” So I will shut up and look at you run around me in circles and if you don’t say it, I will act like I don’t notice. He eventually said it but then I was on the way out. We stayed in touch a bit and when I ran into him, we decided to sit down and chat a bit. So he tells me what he has been up to, asks after my boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. Then he whips out his phone, scrolls through messages and shows me messages that I had sent him like a year and a half a go!!! Nothing really worth saving if you ask me. Things like “thanks for dinner tonight. Goodnight.” Can you believe that? I felt like he was stalking my mind!!!

Then he goes, “we could have been!”

 Oh hell no!!! In your dreams!!!

3. How do you tell a 37 year old father of two that contrary to what he has made himself believe, you are infact not the woman of his dreams?

Note: you have already played:

a).The ‘I have a hot, fresh to death boyfriend’ card. He is so hot that every time I see him I want to throw myself at him and scream, “Shag me. Shag me.”(Please, for the love of a good tale, do not let the dramatic effect be lost on you!) Yes, when you are playing the boyfriend card, you totally have to milk it. But as men his age are wont to he says “what can a young man do for you? He is just confusing you. Me I have…. (Then he starts listing his property.

b) The ‘I have to go back to school’ card. The thing with men like him is their time is sorta running out. So he wants to vibe you one day, shag you the next (make you pregnant while at it), then you become the step mom of his kids on the third day. Going back to school is like the perfect way to tell him off. Then he says, education is overrated. “Me I have never even used my Master’s degree. Besides you will totally be taken care of.”

c) The religion card. He is a Moslem and well, your dad’s a church elder. You love the stuff he calls “stagafulayi” or whatever. Then he says, he could get used to going to church.

d) Do you then start to avoid his calls? What if he resorts to texting  nauseating messages such as, “ My children would love you!”

 Nya ha ha ha ha! In your dreams!!!

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I’ve dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they’ve gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.” Emily Bronte

Upon graduating…the memories

*This I wrote in my notebook the day after graduation, January. 2009.*

PRIMARY: I remember vividly my mother forcing me to have breakfast. She believes it is the most important meal of the day and even when she was sure I was already late, she would hold her kiboko and force me to “take your breakfast this instant!” Because of taking breakfast under that pressure and knowing that I was going to be spanked for being late, I always had nausea in the morning.

P.1: My dad takes a teacher to the headmaster for continuously writing my name wrongly and insisting that maybe my dad meant to write it her way. Her version of my name made me a Muganda girl called Wanyana. It grossly infuriated my dad.

P.2: Read the bible at the school assembly. It was a luganda bible. I think the scripture was from Proverbs. It said: “Atakole n’okulya talyenga.” (He who does not work will not eat.) My mum never stopped to talk about it for the longest time!

P.3: My best friend and I and other kids go to UTV. I keep stretching my hands during story time just to make sure no one misses seeing me.

p.5- p.6: strive so hard to stay in the school choir. It was the most fun in school because it meant lots of trips. Being chased away from the choir was the biggest form of embarrassment at the time.

P.7: Headgirl!

First term: get back from holidays and discover that a classmate, Fridah Arinaitwe had passed away. It was the first time I think I understood death (even though I had lost my sister when I was 5. I didn’t really understand it then.) Even the bu boys in class cried cos Fridah was considered the most beautiful girl in my school.

SECONDARY: Yesterday mommy said these were possibly her worst years. They demanded a lot of time from her and she was so happy when I went to Uni…I had no idea! For some reason, I used to get nerves before the term begun. I would stop eating two days before because I would get nauseous. My mum had at that time given up trying to force me to eat.

S.1:New school-Yay!!!

     Boarding school with all kinds of new stuff with my name neatly written on them: Yay!!!

   School of my dreams (the school a million girls would have killed to be in. Or so we were made to believe. For a very long time). Yay!!

     My first day, I was late. I met an S.3 girl, Hellenah Oketcho. She took me to my dormitory and told everyone we were cousins. She looked after me (even though she was in a different dormitory) and saved me from a lot of people that wanted to bully me.

        Got saved (everyone had to get saved in s.1)

S.2: Embarrassing biscuit moment. There was this thing after visiting days when the people who received (resav, we called it) visitors would take some of their grab to share with those that had not. We called it I think food basket. On my way to class one morning with a kaveera with many packets of biscuits for the food basket, the kaveer tears and they all pour out. There were lots of people. They all saw me and thought I was such a glutton, I ate in class!

        First time in Familie (the top 6 kids in class). Yay!!!

S.3: A blur

S.4: Sosh with NGO- never quite got the point of Sosh and why we were so worked up!

         8 days to Cantab: lose another friend, Phillipa Nabirye to sickle cell anaemia. Phillipa, Stella and I used to call ourselves the three musketeers.

S.5: Responsibility

S.6: most difficult class in my life. Told myself if I went through it, I would go through anything in life!

         Surprised myself with what I was capable of

S.6 Vac: didn’t get my dream course-Mass Comm. The course I would have killed a billion girls to get!

University: I sat back a lot of times and just observed how life played out.

1ST year: Excitement. Fear. Confusion. Trying to test all the theories I had heard and see for myself some of the things I had heard.

1st year 2nd sem: 1st ‘real’ relationship

      1st time I’m published! Not in a school magazine but a nationwide thingamajig! ESB, you are in my Fave People inc. for just giving me the ultimate “yay” moment of my life. Nothing has ever compared to what I felt when I saw my byline that first time! forever indebted!

          Lose a very close friend, Victor Musiime to leukemia.

2nd year: first heartbreak!…and a lot of confusing meaningless relationships thereafter!

3rd year 1st sem: discovering my wild side. I know, late bloomer!

3rd year 2nd sem: Give up my dream for what looked at the time as the bigger picture. My one regret in life!

              My friend since first year becomes the greatest love of my life! June ’08: do my last Uni Exam!

Graduation day: Never seen my mother cry so much! Ok, I have but to see her sooo happy and crying so much about it! For me really graduating isn’t such a big deal. I feel I’m not even where I want to be yet so I can’t really say yay! I have achieved. Suddenly it hits me that it was all about her. That when I fail, she fails and when I excel, she excels. And that by graduating, it is a testimony of the good mother that she is. That all this time society judges her as a mother by how I turn out. I thought she would be just happy that she didn’t have to pay school fees anymore but she was happy in an “I have so done well in my life” sorta way! Feels so good to be my mother’s daughter right now!

To my friends with whom I graduated:

“Together we made it. We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall.”- Busta Rhymes Ft. Linkin Park

And the one I took to heart:

“Now is the time for us to shine. The time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we’ve always dreamed of being. This is our world. You are here. You matter. And the world is waiting.” -One tree hill

The one my mother told me at 01:00am on the day i graduated cos she was too excited to sleep:

“Ebenezer! Thus far the Lord has brought us! Great is thy faithfulness!”

and to those of you that have made it to the bottom of this very long tale: enjoy your Easter break! “Even death could NOT hold Him captive!”